Having a dog is a joy! But it isn’t all roses.
Very often, folks get a new dog and things roll along pretty well. But gradually, things start to get a bit more difficult. Barking out the windows, pulling at the leash, getting jumpy or nippy with guests are just some of the behaviours that creep up, leaving dog owners more than a little stressed.
Those dog owners then seek out dog training.
It’s not necessarily wrong to do so, but I feel like the entire “dog training” concept needs a major facelift.
Dog training typically involves looking only at behaviour. The dog does a behaviour that we don’t like (jumping on visitors, for example) so we use treats or aversives to manipulate the dog to perform a different behaviour instead (going to a mat or blanket, in our example).
Again, nothing really wrong with this.
But I have a question? WHY does the dog in our example jump on guests? Does teaching the dog to go to a mat get to the root of the problem?
No. In my humble opinion, most dog training doesn’t get to the root of the problem.
Let’s look at another example.
Buddy was a reactive dog. He would lunge and bark at other dogs on the walk. He was nearly out of control. So naturally, his owner thought he needed some dog training. Under the guidance of your typical dog trainer, Buddy’s owner would distract Buddy when another dog would show up on the walk. So Buddy was encouraged to sit, shake a paw, touch his nose to his owner’s hand, and perform other tasks, allowing the other dog to pass by in peace.
Ok, sure. Not wrong.
But WHY is Buddy so reactive? Fear. Buddy is fearful of other dogs, and anxious when he spots them on the walk. He sees them as a threat to himself and his owner. He feels the need to announce himself to the other dog, and intimidate them with his barking and posturing.
When his owner gets him to sit, shake a paw, touch his nose to her hand, etc, does that help Buddy with his fear? No. It doesn’t get to the root of the problem. In fact, it confuses Buddy. It leaves him feeling quite alone and misunderstood, driving a wedge between him and his owner, and eroding trust.
Imagine that you are terrified of snakes. You are hanging out with your friend. All of a sudden, you notice a snake down by your feet. You’re terrified. You freeze, maybe cry out, or respond out of fear in some other way.
Meanwhile your friend tries to distract you.
“Hey, look other there at those trees.”
“Here. Have some M&Ms.”
“Can you pat your head and rub your tummy at the same time?”
How would you feel? Any less afraid of snakes? How’s your relationship with your friend?
Probably, you’d think your friend was an idiot and you’d feel responsible to get you both out of that situation.
Very often dog training makes our dogs think we are idiots.
Dog training involves treats or aversives to manipulate a dog’s behaviour. Training is great for teaching your dog to perform many important dog life skills like sit, stay, wait, etc. But dog training is not the same as relationship-building.
Dog training is based on learning psychology, operant and classical conditioning.
Relationship-building is based on dog psychology and attachment theory.
Relationship-building fosters the basics of any relationship. Trust. Respect. Likability. Fairness. Predictability.
To be in relationship with someone, we have to feel seen, heard, and felt.
Very often, dog training does not leave the dog feeling seen, heard, and felt. As a result, the dog doesn’t trust or respect the owner. This perpetuates the fear and anxiety in the dog that results in what we would describe as misbehaviour (barking, pulling, lungeing, over-excitement, clinginess).
Our job as dog owners is to relate to the dog. To earn trust and respect in equal measures. Dog training doesn’t do that. Relationship-building does.
That is what I teach. Relationship first. Once the dog trusts and respects you, as you guide him through tough situations, help him settle down and feel safe, you’ll notice those “misbehaviours” will disappear on their own. No longer will you be your dog’s idiot. Your dog will feel seen, heard, and felt. He’ll look to you to help him through life.
Here’s to you and your dog!
Elaine (and Milo)
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